Warmth.
Softness.
Safety.
That’s what I feel right now. I recognize the smells here, even before my brain and body fully wake-up. I’m home, I can feel it in every fiber of my being. A smile creeps across my face as I start to blink my eyes open and take in my surroundings.
“SKYLAR!” A scream from somewhere in the room brings me out of my safe bubble and I am plunged back into that dark dank cell. Was I dreaming? Is my mind starting to play tricks on me to make me feel safe? “SKYLAR! HELP! HELP ME!”
I shot up from where I was laying, looking to my left for Jena. But she’s not there, a door is there. No, Jena is chained up to my left. What the f*ck is going on?
SKYLAR! PLEASE, HELP ME!”
I shake my head, I’ll figure it out later, Jena needs me first. I swivel my head to the right and see her thrashing in a bed a couple feet from me. A bed. We never had beds. The white comforter is on the floor and she is tangled in the sheets to the point of strangulation. I shut my analyzing brain down and ran to her.
I grab her by the shoulders so she doesn’t hit me in her quest to get free of her nightmare.
“Jena, Jena, I’m here. Jena you’re safe, open your eyes.” More thrashing and whimpering. “JENA, WAKE UP, NOW!” I shout at her.
She finally opens her eyes and recoils from me a bit. I keep my hands up in surrender until she is able to focus on me. Just then the door bursts open and Doc Sylvia, Osiston and Lillian are there. Jena jumps back more, receding into the spot where her headboard meets with the wall and she makes herself as small as possible.
“Jena, look at me. Just me, Jena, look.” Finally her eyes turn towards me, wide and unfocused. She’s awake, kind of, but still locked in her dream. “We. Are. Safe. Do you hear me? We are safe, you’re here with me.” I reach my hand out to take hers, but she just recoils more into her corner.
“What can I do? This is getting worse the longer we are out of that prison.” I don’t look behind me, but the question is aimed at the people standing, waiting behind me.
“Try to get her to tell you what is real. It will help her brain to start to accept that she is free. I don’t even know if she can hear me right now.” Doc Sylvia says from the door. “Five things that she can see. Four things she can feel. Three things she can hear. Two things she can smell. And One thing she can taste. It’s a grounding technique for panic attacks.”
I just nod, never taking my focus off of Jena. “Hey, Jena.” My voice is soft, but not placating, she has always hated that. “Look at me, we are going to get through this, but you have to let us help you. Nod if you hear me.” I scoot a little closer, close enough so I can touch her hand.
She finally focuses on my face, I know she is trying and present at least.
“Tell me five things you can see.”
“Her eyes darted around the room, almost like a trapped bunny. “I see you, right in front of me.”
“Good, what else?”
“I see the sheets wrapped around my legs. I see the people at the door with Doc Sylvia, I don’t remember names though.” She gives me a weak smile. “Good, two more.”
“I see another bed, your’s maybe and a desk in the corner.”
I nod. “Good, tell me four things you can feel.”
“I feel your hand.” She smiles for real this time, it’s small, but real. “I feel the soft bed and pillows. I feel the warm air coming from the vent.”
“Alright, three things you can hear.” She’s starting to look more alive. There is color to her cheeks and her eyes are open and curious, not frightened.
“I hear breathing; voices outside the room. Where are we? I hear lots of voices and silverware clinking.”
I don’t get distracted by her
question. There will be plenty of time to show her around the compound. For now I need her to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is real. “Two things you can smell
She closes her eyes for a second and then opens them. “I smell myself.” She grimaces. “I need a shower, badly.” I laugh with her.
“We both do, but that hasn’t been on the priority list. What else?”
“Bacon! I smell food, real food.” Right on cue both of our stomachs rumble and we both laugh as do the people behind me. Jena takes notice for the first time and grasps the sheet, pulling it tight around her.
“Hey! Hey, right here.” I pull her focus back to me. “What can you taste?”
She just sits there looking startled again.
“Jena, we are safe, tell me what you can taste right now.” I hand her a bottle of water, trying to prompt her
to drink and answer my she net
She was doing so well, but she won’t be able to cower forever. We need to push her to break out of this or she Will never stop being the victim.
